The Originator (coggs) wrote,
The Originator

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They hide among us

My life has been consumed with lesbians lately. Well, consumed may be a smidge of an overstatement. It is more that lesbians now figure more prominently in my life than gay men, which is a first.

I guess it's because my housemate watches The L Word, a show that is not very good at all. The general premise is "lesbians exist!" and the plot of every episode is: drama, lunch, sex, drama, end credit. Nonetheless, it is wholly addicting, to the point that later on today a bunch of us are going to have an L Word marathon. I know! Ok. I know.

The other lesbians are, at this point, theoretically. How is goes down is this. We live in the bottom part of a two story house. When my housemates rented the place they were told that the upstairs neighbor was a single mom with a kid. That's fine, they thought, because you can't hear the upstairs, really, unless people are walking on it.

Except, of course, our upstairs neighbors are not a single mom with child, but rather two women with a cat on a leash. Read over that last part again, because it's the strangest part for me. It boggles my mind how anyone can A) get a cat in a leash and B) have it stay in the leash. But, not, if we go outside we'll often see the cat tied to one end of the stairs, playing happily in the grass. It is insane and I still can't get over it. Explaining the house to new people I always add "and there's a cat! ON A LEASH!" It's the weirdest part of this neighborhood for me, and so I am completely in love with it. If you were wondering, the cat's name is Robert.

But the main point of the story is this: there is clearly not a single mom with a kid living above us, so why did our landlord tell us that? Why concoct that lie? Did he assume we were cat haters? I pout forth the theory that, like a realtor telling you it was a "colorful neighborhood" being code for "Black people live here", "single mom with a kid" is landlord code for "lesbians." The theory seems to hold some water--they went away on a weekend together, they have a cat (on a leash!), and they, uh, both have short hair-cuts? Ok, it's not that strong of a theory, but dammit, it feels right.

Since then we've tried to come up with ways to trick them into telling us, just so we can be sure. Suggestions have ranged from putting an Ally sticker on our window to saying "so, what are your thoughts on cunnilingus?" However the most logical suggestion, I think, is to simply invite them over to a board-game night and leave the L Word out on the table. (Or show them our fridge, where my housemate has put numerous magazine photos of the show.) I trust that this will garner some sort of reaction, and if they are true lesbians, most likely derisive laughter and mocking. Because if TV has shown me anything, it's that girls who kiss girls tend to be feisty.

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